Thursday, January 7, 2010

THURSDAY: Motherless Mothers

This is a book I once thought about writing - an exploration of how losing the same-gender parent impacts the child's own parenting journey - motherless mothers and fatherless fathers. Hope Edelman does such a spectacular job in this book about motherless mothers, there is nothing more I could bring to the subject. I would recommend this to other motherless women. The book addresses mother-loss (and not only from death) and how it influences the daughters left behind as they go through different stages of parenting.

This was an affirming book, normalizing some of my thoughts - fear and anxiety about potential loss, awareness of approaching the age my mother was when she died, overprotection of my son, etc. - things I knew were tied to my mother's death but didn't realize were a common experience for women like me.

Reading this made me especially glad for the things I implemented in my own parenting journey to help me deal with the fallout from my loss. I write my son a letter every year, telling him about the person he is at each age, and about my love for him. If something were to happen to me, he would have those letters to hang on to. And every year, on my mother's birthday, we do something crafty because she was a crafty person and she taught me to use crafts as a creative outlet. It also opens up opportunities for my son to ask about my mother or about her death when he has questions.

This would be a great resource for young women who are about to become mothers who do not have their own mother around - for whatever reason. It acknowledges that sometimes that absence isn't a bad thing, which can also be very affirming for women still dealing with that loss in their lives. 

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1 comment:

  1. I love the letter idea. I tend to do that every now and then, if I have to fly someplace and my kids aren't with me, but when I come home, the letters sort of disappear. I like the idea of making it a regular thing. Thanks for the post and for the blog visit this week!